After I heard the terrible news yesterday, I spoke with some of my folks and friends to alleviate some of my pain. More than a few of them asked a question that sounded similar to "Why are you so sad about someone's death, someone whom you never met" It's weird right?
The first thing that came to me when I read that article on MacRumors was “Well, it's a rumor!” Few minutes later I opened Apple's home page, and then it just hit me, it hit me very hard. I couldn't believe it. Probably, at that time my logic and my gut were in some sort of a tussle. With one trying to rationalize what and why I should feel, and the other simply feeling. As it was sinking in I could literally hear voices inside my head. I heard things like “It’s sad, but what the hell! Why should it bother me?" and a bunch of other things that were blurred. But there was one thing for sure; I was sad, very sad. I choked instantly, perhaps from the battle of logic and gut, and the failure of understanding why I was sad. I’m sure quite a few of us must’ve felt the same.
Then I leaned back on my chair and just sat there. Siddhi (my wife) was standing right next to me and knew instantly I was not ok. She came close to me and held me gently. At that point, I just felt like disappearing or melting away. I actually cried! But not the way one would figure, it was more like choking. I was choking because sadness was gripping me but my head couldn't really figure out what’s wrong. Then I had a glass of water and sat back and started reading the articles, tweets and status updates as they started popping up.
But the question still remains "Why am I so sad?" Well, it's hard to explain but I'll try. I have got a very weird analogy. It's actually a moment from the movie Cast Away. It's the scene where Tom Hanks loses Wilson. Probably most of you know this, but let me describe the scene again. Tom Hanks, who's been trapped on a lonely island for four years, sets out to seek land on a raft he built. His only companion for the past four years on the island was - Wilson. Midway through his epic journey he loses Wilson in the ocean. Tom Hanks is devastated at losing Wilson. Everything sounds normal, except that Wilson is just a volleyball, but still the protagonist just can't get over the loss. It’s one of those moments in a movie that just makes you think.
Such sadness from parting doesn’t arise from the way we perceive or establish a relationship. The sadness is caused because of the difference between the perception of the relationship and the way we actually felt. In this case, it comes from the fact that the great visionary meant more than something to several people, more than what meets the eye, more than what our minds can comprehend. For the most part of the past seven years, I've lived and thought Apple every moment without even realizing it. It started from the moment I unboxed my first iPod Nano, the first time I saw a Macintosh, to this very moment.
Going back to the case of Cast Away, some would say "What the hell, it's just a volleyball, get a new one!" But it was not just a volleyball. It was something that helped him survive four maddening years on a lonely island. In the same way, Apple has been an ‘intangible’ friend to most of us. Many of us have “lived” Apple through several years of our lives. Apple has influenced many of us in ways we don’t realize.
Steve Jobs was undeniably THE face of Apple. And now that he's gone, it's just too hard to fathom it. It causes great sadness. It's also very difficult for one to understand oneself in such a situation, but someone [Laird Hamilton] has said you have to "Understand that you can't always understand". And with that, I just have to let go of myself, shed a tear, and bid adieu to the crazy one, the one who really created a dent in the universe, well, at least in my universe. Goodbye Steve, I'll miss you!
The first thing that came to me when I read that article on MacRumors was “Well, it's a rumor!” Few minutes later I opened Apple's home page, and then it just hit me, it hit me very hard. I couldn't believe it. Probably, at that time my logic and my gut were in some sort of a tussle. With one trying to rationalize what and why I should feel, and the other simply feeling. As it was sinking in I could literally hear voices inside my head. I heard things like “It’s sad, but what the hell! Why should it bother me?" and a bunch of other things that were blurred. But there was one thing for sure; I was sad, very sad. I choked instantly, perhaps from the battle of logic and gut, and the failure of understanding why I was sad. I’m sure quite a few of us must’ve felt the same.
Then I leaned back on my chair and just sat there. Siddhi (my wife) was standing right next to me and knew instantly I was not ok. She came close to me and held me gently. At that point, I just felt like disappearing or melting away. I actually cried! But not the way one would figure, it was more like choking. I was choking because sadness was gripping me but my head couldn't really figure out what’s wrong. Then I had a glass of water and sat back and started reading the articles, tweets and status updates as they started popping up.
But the question still remains "Why am I so sad?" Well, it's hard to explain but I'll try. I have got a very weird analogy. It's actually a moment from the movie Cast Away. It's the scene where Tom Hanks loses Wilson. Probably most of you know this, but let me describe the scene again. Tom Hanks, who's been trapped on a lonely island for four years, sets out to seek land on a raft he built. His only companion for the past four years on the island was - Wilson. Midway through his epic journey he loses Wilson in the ocean. Tom Hanks is devastated at losing Wilson. Everything sounds normal, except that Wilson is just a volleyball, but still the protagonist just can't get over the loss. It’s one of those moments in a movie that just makes you think.
Such sadness from parting doesn’t arise from the way we perceive or establish a relationship. The sadness is caused because of the difference between the perception of the relationship and the way we actually felt. In this case, it comes from the fact that the great visionary meant more than something to several people, more than what meets the eye, more than what our minds can comprehend. For the most part of the past seven years, I've lived and thought Apple every moment without even realizing it. It started from the moment I unboxed my first iPod Nano, the first time I saw a Macintosh, to this very moment.
Going back to the case of Cast Away, some would say "What the hell, it's just a volleyball, get a new one!" But it was not just a volleyball. It was something that helped him survive four maddening years on a lonely island. In the same way, Apple has been an ‘intangible’ friend to most of us. Many of us have “lived” Apple through several years of our lives. Apple has influenced many of us in ways we don’t realize.
Steve Jobs was undeniably THE face of Apple. And now that he's gone, it's just too hard to fathom it. It causes great sadness. It's also very difficult for one to understand oneself in such a situation, but someone [Laird Hamilton] has said you have to "Understand that you can't always understand". And with that, I just have to let go of myself, shed a tear, and bid adieu to the crazy one, the one who really created a dent in the universe, well, at least in my universe. Goodbye Steve, I'll miss you!
